Do you ever have that moment where you replay in your head what you just did 2 seconds ago and say to yourself, “why did I do that?” Well first of all, stop talking to yourself out loud. That’s just creepy. It’s better for your reputation that people not refer to you as “that guy who participates in debates with himself on the merits of his idiosyncrasies.” People might start sending joke emails around the office about you, laugh as you walk by, and generally shun you. Then one day as you’re having a rather spirited debate, you might throw out a threat at yourself, possibly using the words “AK-47” or “plastic explosives”, which a co-worker may hear. Not realizing your threat was directed at yourself and fearing for the lives of everyone in the building, your co-worker may proceed to call security. After a long, drawn out standoff with the SWAT team in which you repeatedly try to explain that you have no weapons on you whatsoever, the whole situation is finally cleared up and you are ordered to see a therapist every week to help you deal with your advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. What? Blog? What the hell are you…..OH! I’m sorry. Forgot what I was doing…*looks at watch*…and my appointment with my therapist is soon. Let’s get on with it…
Well, if you’re like “normal” people and ask yourself “why did I do that?” IN YOUR HEAD, then join me for this weekly series where I’ll highlight some of the bizarre things that I, and quite possibly some of yourselves, participate in that leave me thinking, “why did I do that?”
Why did I look both ways before crossing a one-way street?
I always seem to do this. I know it’s a one-way street. I know that on a one-way street, cars are only allowed to go in one direction: “that way”. Yet, it’s as if my spider-sense is trying to tell me that Stacy Dash, Gabrielle Union, and Kerry Washington are 10 feet in the other direction and happen to be looking for a slim, bald, dark-skinned male for their new movie “Tyler Perry Presents: We Love The Same Slim, Bald, Dark-skinned Man.”
So with glee and excitement as I think about how great it’s going to be to do the sex scene with all three of them (at the same time), I turn my head and what do I find? Nothing. No Stacy, no Gabrielle, no Kerry, no Carmen Sandiego, no maniac behind the wheel of a car driving in the wrong direction, not even that crazy cyclist out to get revenge on me for cutting him off last week. Not a got damn thing. I don’t even have time to call “fifty” before my pride smacks me on the back of my neck (my DC people know what that’s about). I immediately curse the sky.
I don’t know why I can’t stop myself from looking both ways. I suppose it shows how effective my parents were at brainwashing me. Always telling me to look both ways. Always. Granted, it isn’t bad to always be on the lookout for vehicles. I’ve never personally been struck by one, but I would assume that it hurts. Regardless, I just can’t help but wonder, “why did I do that?”
Do any of you fall into the category of people who look both ways before crossing a one-way street? How about before crossing the sidewalk? The elevator? Your room?
Oh, and welcome to the blog. I hope this post has given you a reason to keep your expectations low.