Why Did I Do That? Episode I

Do you ever have that moment where you replay in your head what you just did 2 seconds ago and say to yourself, “why did I do that?” Well first of all, stop talking to yourself out loud. That’s just creepy. It’s better for your reputation that people not refer to you as “that guy who participates in debates with himself on the merits of his idiosyncrasies.” People might start sending joke emails around the office about you, laugh as you walk by, and generally shun you. Then one day as you’re having a rather spirited debate, you might throw out a threat at yourself, possibly using the words “AK-47” or “plastic explosives”, which a co-worker may hear. Not realizing your threat was directed at yourself and fearing for the lives of everyone in the building, your co-worker may proceed to call security. After a long, drawn out standoff with the SWAT team in which you repeatedly try to explain that you have no weapons on you whatsoever, the whole situation is finally cleared up and you are ordered to see a therapist every week to help you deal with your advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. What? Blog? What the hell are you…..OH! I’m sorry. Forgot what I was doing…*looks at watch*…and my appointment with my therapist is soon. Let’s get on with it…

Well, if you’re like “normal” people and ask yourself “why did I do that?” IN YOUR HEAD, then join me for this weekly series where I’ll highlight some of the bizarre things that I, and quite possibly some of yourselves, participate in that leave me thinking, “why did I do that?”

Why did I look both ways before crossing a one-way street?

I always seem to do this. I know it’s a one-way street. I know that on a one-way street, cars are only allowed to go in one direction: “that way”. Yet, it’s as if my spider-sense is trying to tell me that Stacy Dash, Gabrielle Union, and Kerry Washington are 10 feet in the other direction and happen to be looking for a slim, bald, dark-skinned male for their new movie “Tyler Perry Presents: We Love The Same Slim, Bald, Dark-skinned Man.”

So with glee and excitement as I think about how great it’s going to be to do the sex scene with all three of them (at the same time), I turn my head and what do I find? Nothing. No Stacy, no Gabrielle, no Kerry, no Carmen Sandiego, no maniac behind the wheel of a car driving in the wrong direction, not even that crazy cyclist out to get revenge on me for cutting him off last week. Not a got damn thing. I don’t even have time to call “fifty” before my pride smacks me on the back of my neck (my DC people know what that’s about). I immediately curse the sky.

I don’t know why I can’t stop myself from looking both ways. I suppose it shows how effective my parents were at brainwashing me. Always telling me to look both ways. Always. Granted, it isn’t bad to always be on the lookout for vehicles. I’ve never personally been struck by one, but I would assume that it hurts. Regardless, I just can’t help but wonder, “why did I do that?”

Do any of you fall into the category of people who look both ways before crossing a one-way street? How about before crossing the sidewalk? The elevator? Your room?

Oh, and welcome to the blog. I hope this post has given you a reason to keep your expectations low.

-TDA

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20 thoughts on “Why Did I Do That? Episode I

  1. 1) Congrats on your 1st blog entry!

    2) This post was hilariously random and I loved it :)To answer your question: yes, I do look both ways on a one way street. I also say excuse me when I bump into inanimate objects…don’t judge me.

    • 1) Thanks!

      2) Yeah, my posts are going to be full of random for the most part. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this, but I am worried that you speak to inanimate objects. Not only that, you’re polite to them. #judging

  2. wait, before you say ANYTHING ELSE…shut up. LOL…Who’s bright idea was it for you to get a blog? I love it. hahaha. It will definitely give me something entertaining to read every now again. And, um, are we still, ya know…together? As songmates? Hahaha.

      • 1. Word. #justcheckin. Random thought: I am now using hashtags everywhere. Even in text messages. I feel they give them an extra edge. I dunno. Anyway…any new music that I may be sleeping on?

        2. And yes, I will be very a loquacious commenter.

      • …and #yo! Put an RSS feed thing on here so I people like me can be notified of your new entries and so I can read them on my GoogleReader. Thanks in advance.

      • Hahaha, I use hashtags everywhere too. Especially now that most of the people I talk to are on twitter anyway.

        If you don’t have the new Roots album, GET IT! B.o.B, Raheem DeVaughn, Corinne Bailey Rae, get all their latest albums. Can’t think of anything else right now, but I trust you’re on top of these things.

        RSS feed, gotcha.

  3. “I always seem to do this. I know it’s a one-way street. I know that on a one-way street, cars are only allowed to go in one direction: “that way”. ”

    I just did this TODAY! And side-eyed myself for doing so. Anyhow, I love how you wrote about something that people actually do without really thinking about it enough to write about it. Being an observant chick, (read: nosy) I love when people notice the little things.

    Oh, and *dap* for the “KHANNNNN!” pic. Reminds of the old Television Without Pity days. They used to use that all up and through that place. lol I loved it.

    Welcome to blog-life. Lookin’ forward to reading more. And um, correction, my expectations are HIGH after reading this very first post. 😉

    • Yeah I love comedians who observe really minuscule things that we do every day and make you aware of how stupid it is. That’s what this series will basically do.

      Yes! I’m really happy you were aware of the Khan reference.

      Eff! High expectations? Fine, prepare for my next post to be written while I’m under the influence…

      …and blindfolded.

  4. Uuuum, I’m not really sure what’s wrong with talking to myself out loud. I do it semi-often, and I rarely get the side-eye. Anyways, yes, I do look both ways on a one-way street.

    Congrats on the blog.

  5. 1.) since you didn’t want me to tell you on the phone.. “Congratulations..” this is the quickest turnaround ever.. we have a conversation, then you get a blog the next day.. #ihatechu #iloveyou #dontleaveme

    2.) i was just about to say we don’t have many 1 way streets.. then i remembered i was downtown and yes, i look both ways before crossing a one way street.. JUST my luck, the one time i don’t do it, i get hit by the car that’s going the wrong direction..
    Congratulations again sweetie!!!

    • 1) You inspire me to do more and be more #sappytweet #barf lol

      2) Yeah, the fact that there are people who would are capable of driving the wrong way is the only thing that keeps me from feeling like a complete idiot for doing it. But we know you’re not gonna get hit #inthenameofJesus

  6. Good start to your blog, man. I look both ways on a one way street all the time, especially in Houston. You just never know when some idiot is gonna to come driving up the wrong way. Happens more than you think. Now, if a nice looking woman just happens to walking in the direction against the traffic, I’ll just take an L and look anyway. Love the Khan picture. It’s just funny infamous that scene is.

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