Why Did I Do That?

Me after a Redskins loss

Spoiler alert: most men like….no, love sports. Studies have shown that, on average, husbands spend more time watching Sportscenter than they do watching their own kids. NCAA brackets and NFL* fantasy football leagues are responsible for more men being unproductive at work than your office secretary’s liberal definition of “business appropriate attire”. Men will cuss out their grandmother for being a fan of their hated rival. I’ve seen Little Giants a million times and will be watching it again later because, in addition to it being a great movie, I get to see the Cowboys** lose (to a girl no less), which is something that can cheer me up no matter what #screwdallas.

Now, similar to a man’s love of a woman’s backside coffee table, our favorite sports usually grab our attention instantly. It’s science. Minus Gabrielle Union confessing her undying love for me, if I see anything with a Redskins logo on it, you’ve lost my attention. But I find that this scenario isn’t exclusive to sports that a man favors. It can be applied to any sport, which brings me to today’s topic…

Why can’t I turn away from that [insert sport] game?

This past weekend, I was out at a lounge/restaurant chillin’ with my posse. Between the suburban white people who were extremely comfortable with making a fool out of themselves on the dance floor thanks to their low alcohol tolerance and me attempting to persuade my friend to walk over with me to causally steal a piece of birthday cake sitting amid a group of people we didn’t know, my eyes began to slowly shift their gaze. I could see a light out of the corner of my eye that caught my attention. I didn’t understand why I felt the urge to look towards it, but I couldn’t control myself. It pulled me in like an Imperial Cruiser tractor beam. #nerdalert What was this angelic light that had pulled me away from the foolishness of that evening?

Was it Jesus coming to tell His humble servant that it was his time to join the Father in Heaven? No. Was it coming from the red-dot sight of an assault rifle aimed directly at my temple? Nay. Or maybe swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus? Nein. It was a little league softball game playing on the television.

*audience makes -_- face*

A little league softball game took my attention away from my companions. Not only that, but I ended up staring at that television for at least 10 seconds until I heard one of my friends talking about having no panties on and proceeded to vomit all of the floor once I saw who said it. To be honest with you, I don’t really remember what sport it was. Little league softball was a guess. But I do know it was a sport and not a sport that I’d normally watch. Let me say that again. I don’t remember what it was that I was watching. At all. You’d think I’d have some kind of idea since I was completely sober, but I don’t. All I know is that there was a scoreboard on the television and that was enough for it to catch my “attention”. The sport doesn’t even have to be interesting most of the time and I find myself needing to at least ask what the score is.

So to my fellas, do you ever find yourself hypnotized at the sight of a sports game, even if it’s a sport you find as entertaining as The Office without Steve Carell? Have you ever said “Taking naps is a sport now?? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!!! LOLZ!! I wonder what the score is…” Ladies, do you find the attention of your man or friend-zone prisoner male friend inexplicably being taken by any program on ESPN 8-The “Ocho”? Do these jeans make me look fat? Zipadeedoodah.


*I am overly giddy that football season is almost here.
**Cowboys fans, please proceed to 1) take a large knife, 2) insert said knife into throat, and 3) swallow knife


13 thoughts on “Why Did I Do That?

  1. When it comes to sports, instead of complaining about my man watching basketball constantly (even the games that came on years ago), I join him. It’s fun. I draw the line at the WNBA though. It sparks conversation about somethng men ACTUALLY care about. Women also get cool points for knowing little sport facts when surrounded by men. The surest way to get a man’s attention is to have a favorite sports team, know the players on the team and be able to explain at least the basics.
    With that said… GO PATIROTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. 1) “chillin’ with my posse”??? You are a nut!

    2) I’ve only recently become interested in sports so I haven’t gone crazy yet. We’ll see if I’m singing a different tune once football starts.

    3) I’m in looove with Dwight Freeney! I need to meet, marry and procreate with him as soon as possible. Go COLTS!!

  3. your “posse”? *smh*

    who said they didnt have draws on?? nevermind…. *smh*

    i’m with Ivy. i like sports so im often right along side of men who’s attn shifts to any goings on of sports (even WNBA games). i genuinely enjoy sports and the camaraderie that ensues so even if i’m not going to always sit w/ a man watching the most obscure sport on ESPN8, i’m not going to be upset that i cant engage him. ill just make sure he has enough to eat and drink while i do my own thing.

    sadly, i know a few men who dont like or follow football or basketball (-_O) i look at them like they have 3 noses. wddda?? sorry dude, i just cant respect you. i find this more offensive then being a laker or cowboys fan–and thats DESPICABLE!!

  4. dude.

    the redskins. gabrielle union (who is my current wife. says my desktop on my laptop). star trek. the office. dodge ball. cowboy hatred.

    you might be the 2nd coolest guy in the blog world. 2nd only to yours truly.

    either way i remember i was a this 1st year med party at this club a couple of weeks ago. the party wasn’t popping but then again it wasn’t terrible. i turned my head to my left and noticed a rugby match on television. i spent the entire party watching that match. i was actually entertained too.

    good post.

  5. Had to drop through to ask “Why the Cowboy hatred”? I understand, though, especially with you being a Redskins fan. Probably the greatest rivalry in pro football, but sorry, you will be making that James Van Der Beek face twice this season against my Boys. McNabb and the Shanahans aren’t going to make much of a difference, especially since you are going against the same defense that shut out the skins and McNabb in back to back games. Oh yeah, on that first game of the season, I will feel so bad for the Skins’ 1st round pick Trent Williams if he has to start at left tackle become#94 will welcome him to the NFL the right way and McNabb will be reacquainted with an old friend. I respect you for being a real Skins fan and your true Cowboy hatred. Oh, I am not a bandwagon fan, either. I’m Dallas, TX, born and raised. I’ve seen some good years and some horrible years with my boys, but I still ride with them.

    Oh yeah, no matter where I am, if I see a sports ticker at the bottom of the screen, I immediately turn my head to the TV. It’s a guy thing, especially if you are a sports fan.

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