Here Lies Chivalry

2Pac Chivalry isn’t dead.

It’s never been dead. Ever. If anything, it’s been mistakenly buried alive.

I don’t care how many assholes you’ve dated. I don’t care how many times you’ve been forced to go dutch. I don’t care how many doors haven’t been opened for you. I don’t care how many times he didn’t stand up for you. It’s never been true and it will never be true. It’s one thing to recognize a decline in the treatment of women in our society as a whole (that’s a whole ‘nother topic and one that can be blamed on actions from BOTH genders) and it’s another to make a completely false statement like “chivalry is dead” and parade it around as if that’s the reason why you’re single you’ve had less than ideal interactions with men.

I almost went off on facebook because of this. My friend put up a status asking when chivalry died. Of course, the status was rich with CAPS to make sure everyone could hear it, a million question marks, and it specifically called out men to give a reason explaining why we purposefully cause her so much pain & suffering answer her question. As someone who has heard this opinion referenced as a scientific fact for years, I should’ve known better than to take the bait. *sigh* Instead, I calmly cosigned a comment (say that five times fast) a male friend of mine had left. It explained that she was probably just dealing with the wrong people. Then, another woman left a comment saying, and I quote, “those “right” people should SHOW THEMSELVES so we know they exist..thank youu.”

Oh, that’s right. I forgot that all the good men out there are, for no reason whatsoever, purposefully hiding from you. How dare they! Men should start wearing huge neon signs that say “Chivalry Here” with an arrow pointing to their penis face. Or let’s create a Chivalrous Men online registry! That way you’ll know how many chivalrous men live in your neighborhood. I mean, if good men would just SHOW THEMSELVES and stop forcing women into the arms of douchebags we wouldn’t have women thinking that chivalry is dead. *facepalm*

The funny thing is that by spreading this false notion around, women do nothing but end up disrespecting the men out there who actually are courteous. I mean, I have to say, as a chivalrous man (or at least I think I am) I always end up feeling very unappreciated whenever this topic comes up. When you say “chivalry is dead” you’re basically dismissing everything that me and men like me have done and continue to do. We get turned into a fairy tale character. A myth. Something that only exists in dreams and Disney movies. Not to mention the fact that you just sound bitter in the process, which isn’t attractive at all. #pointdeduction #staylosing

Having said that, if their outlook on men is that most would never voluntarily open a door for them, then that’s their opinion & they’re entitled to it. I actually feel bad for anyone who believes this. I mean, how does it feel to have no hope? To think to yourself, “Men don’t know how to respect women and treat them right. But at least my cats love me.” That’s gotta be depressing.

Now, I know that there are plenty of jerks out there that cause women to have this mindset and I apologize on their behalf (really, I do), but don’t confuse us with them. That would be unfortunate for you. Having said that, there are plenty of men who also generalize women into negative stereotypes. I don’t excuse that either. However, if you want a discussion on that, one of you independent women can write a blog post about it. I gotta go dig Chivalry out the graveyard again.

[/rant]

Side note: I do want to thank those women who appreciate and acknowledge the existence of chivalrous men even if their experiences have been far from perfect.

-TDA

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11 thoughts on “Here Lies Chivalry

  1. Lol your /rant tag was cute.

    I hate to admit but I might have thrice ONCE felt chivalry was dead. Only to smack myself to stop generalizing. Chivalry is definitely right behind me, in front of me, around me period. I’m actually going to do a post about Male Bashing. Then I’m going to do a post about Female Bashing. Because of posts like this that make me think. Too bad, so sad for the girl who thinks all she’s seeing and dealing with are a-holes. Maybe she needs to stop. In her defense however, I guess I’ll just say that out of the 20 guys she’s probably interacted with, 18 of them were rear-holes and those two good guys (like yourself) are overlooked. Too much bad outshinesshadows over the good. And it’s like that for a majority if not ALL the women that think Chivalry is dead.

    Great post B. 🙂 you just got my mind rolling. And you KNOW I’m up.

    • “Too much bad shadows over the good.”

      And that’s the unfortunate truth. There is arguably more bad than good out there, so naturally generalizations will match the characteristics of the majority. Just don’t throw that generalization in my face when I clearly don’t conform to it.

  2. Truer words!

    I still think its more a call to attention than anything else. Its like when kids say “oh, I sure wish I could get a pony” (not me though, cuz I grew up having og inherently in me) really loudly to their parentals.

  3. Wait. You’re chilvarous? I’m sorry, you lack the required people for me to affirm that.

    As for your point, I completely agree. Just like any person who generalizes the opposite sex as a means of confirming why they can’t find anyone, they are blocking their own future. And they have no idea. Women, in particular, say chilvary is dead, say they want a chilvarous man and then in the same breath ask why they can’t find one! Duhhh, by saying it’s dead, you’re hindering any possible progress on that front. Lawd.

    • Don’t worry, when you visit DC I’ll show you my chivalry. No, not to you. To someone else. I’ll probably throw rocks at you.

      “Just like any person who generalizes the opposite sex as a means of confirming why they can’t find anyone, they are blocking their own future. And they have no idea.”

      This. All this.

  4. It must be a regional thing because men open my door and help me carry heavy bags and all the other things.

    I’ve never thought it was dead. Just like I don’t think there’s a good man shortage.

    I always smile or say thank you because I appreciate it. Why some women don’t appreciate it is beyond me.

    Good post.

    • I’m late as hell with this one, but thanks for the comment!

      You wouldn’t happen to be from the South, would you? I actually do think there’s a bit of a regional difference when it comes to the amount of chivalrous acts that you’ll see or experience. But most of my life has been spent in DC so I don’t have any real data to back that up.

      Women like you make our job easier as men 🙂

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