Rooting For The Home Team

Those of you who know me know I’m an extremely passionate Redskins fan. That’s my team through thick and thin. I grew up in Maryland right outside of DC. I love them because I love DC and they play for DC. It’s that simple. To me, you always root for the home team. That’s just my sports fan philosophy. I have several friends who grew up and still reside in the DC area who root for other teams. I don’t hold animosity towards them (unless they’re Cowboys fans, who can die) because as long as they’re not bandwagon fans, I respect them for having a passion for their team. However, I do feel disappointed that they decided to join a team that isn’t from their hometown.

I remember reading a post not too long ago from TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld at The Lower Frequency on loving black women (please go read it if you haven’t). It was a post that really resonated with me. I found myself agreeing with a lot of his viewpoints on not only why he loves black women, but why he prefers black women. It reminded me of my “rooting for the home team” sports philosophy. The reason I bring that up is because the other day while I was walking to lab, I saw this young black woman walking on the other side of the street. She caught my eye for some reason. She was very pretty, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. She was walking down the sidewalk playful giggling, touching, and walking with a white dude. I wasn’t even aware I was staring, but I was. It surprised me because I can’t remember having done that before. I wasn’t mad at what I had seen. I didn’t feel that this white man had taken another one of our sistas from us. But for some reason, seeing that resonated with me. I felt……disappointment. Not disappointment that she was with a white guy (which to be honest, was an assumption on my part). Disappointment that she wasn’t with a black guy.

There’s this idea that black women are the only ones who think about interracial dating in this way. They side-eye, scoff, and scream when black men grab some plain vanilla loving. But, at least in my personal experience, that isn’t isolated to black women. Black men feel the same way in regards to black women, but just aren’t as animated in their responses. The reason why black men feel this way is usually some combination of these reasons:

  1. Black men are territorial
    As if this was a surprise. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, especially when it comes to eligible black women, but this doesn’t change the fact that hundreds of years of having things taken from us has put us a little on edge. We may not express this in the same way that black women do (ranting and raving with their arms flailing about), but we do feel it.
  2. Black men love black love
    Black love brings a special smile to our faces that few things can. There’s a pride that we feel when we see a happy, strong black couple because ultimately that’s what we want for us. And yes, I’m aware of the notion that black men are running in droves to be with the “pure” white women, but trust me, that is a vocal minority, if not a flat out lie. Most black men want everything to do with black women.
  3. White men are the devil
    I’m just saying.

So what do yall think? All my black men out there, am I right or completely off base? Do you tend to get a bit disappointed when you see a sista with a man of another race or are you completely colorblind when it comes to love? Ladies, were you aware that men harbor this kind of reaction? Am I just a closeted racist? Do tell.

-TDA

*I can pretty much relate anything in life back to football.

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15 thoughts on “Rooting For The Home Team

  1. I’m glad you wrote this. It’s making me consider getting engaged to the white boy down the block 😀

    I love that there are guys that love black love like I love it. I’m colorblind when it comes to love but I still see shades and stuff. Black love is beautiful. That’s about it.

    And to answer the other question, you are a closeted racist. But I think the people love you as you are.

    • “I’m colorblind when it comes to love but I still see shades and stuff.”

      That’s how I feel. Love who you love, but I can’t help that sometimes my initial reaction to interracial couples is a bit biased towards my own personal preference.

  2. “I felt……disappointment. Not disappointment that she was with a white guy (which to be honest, was an assumption on my part). Disappointment that she wasn’t with a black guy.”

    Well put. I know exactly what you mean.

    “Am I just a closeted racist?”

    You’re a closeted somethin’ else…

    But yeah, great post, mister! I was aware that some Black men shared this sentiment, they just don’t speak out on it as much as women (for one, they ain’t particular scared about the “numbers game” that women are). And men are territorial in general, so yeah, the added factors that you added in regards to the Black male experience makes perfect sense.

  3. Good post TDA!

    You aren’t completely off base at all. I in turn don’t give people in IR’s a second glance. I’m usually happy to see two people that are happy. As for being colorblind I guess I am.

    You’re right about football analogies relating to life…it works every time.

    • I’m usually happy for them too. The sight of two people who are happy with each other is great. However, my own personal biases do affect how I initially react to IR couples, more specifically when it’s a black woman with a non-black male.

      I think being happy for an IR couple & being disappointed at the fact that they’re not a black couple aren’t mutually exclusive.

      Life imitates football.

  4. You know what, as much as I love black love and encourage all black people to seek it out, when I see a sister with a white dude, I think to myself “Can’t Knock the Hustle.” Not in the sense that she’s hustling the white dude, but, in the sense that, I can’t be mad at her for stepping outside of her race to get someone to meet the needs black men weren’t. I usually assume that she’s tried really hard and has a pretty good string of bum a** black dudes in her past and is now just doing what she had to do, so I can’t knock her.

    I also hope that she has a bunch of little baby boys and that, despite the fact that they’re technically half-white, I hope that she raises them to be proud black men who love black women and marry black women, and have more black babies. It’s almost like, in dating the white dude, she’s taking one for the team. LOL.

    • Great points all around and I agree. And I just want to clarify that I don’t think that men like me feel disappointed at the female for her choice. If a woman had a choice to be happy with a black man or be happier with a white man, I’d tell her to grab her some Matt Damon lovin’ every time. As long as they’re both happy, mazel tov. But I do feel disappointment at the circumstance. My personal preference to see and experience black love, which was shaped through my childhood and environment, affects how I initially react to IR couples.

    • “I also hope that she has a bunch of little baby boys and that, despite the fact that they’re technically half-white, I hope that she raises them to be proud black men who love black women and marry black women, and have more black babies. It’s almost like, in dating the white dude, she’s taking one for the team. LOL.”

      Lol. This is great.

    • Cosign, Interesting.

      I feel the same way. If I wasn’t with an amazing black man, I’d definitely expand the playing field to others on the chromatic scale.

  5. glad to see the post come to fuition…

    i always appreciate reading the male perspective on a topic we (black people) discuss alot, but rarely from that point of view.

    social psychology says we go after the people that mirror ourselves, culturally, religiously, geographically and of course racially. do i get extra exciting when im planning the wedding of a black couple – yep! because it gives me hope. cheesey/racial? i dont think so. most other cultures are the same way. (and some religions).

    ps: a post that can relate the topic back to football wins for me. #nocharliesheen

  6. I made a comment on SBM recently that asked for this POV on the whole IR dating thing.

    As some of may remember, I was married to a white man. Trust that I have been aware of the distaste that most black men have in regards to BW/WM relationships. I had never been one to really put any emphasis on someone’s race, I just liked who I liked. Granted, I’ve always been a lot more physically attracted to black men t han any other race, but if I click with someone I don’t count them out because of their race. Having said that, race played a bigger part in my relationship that my naivete thought it would.

    I even notice the looks by black men even walking down the street with a white male friend. I’m glad someone has finally fessed up to IR relationships not only being something that black women notice and/or care about.

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