Not Good Enough

*opens door, changes into a cardigan and sneakers*

Well hello, boys and girls. It’s good to see you again. I know it’s been a while. I missed you and I hope that you missed me too (don’t respond to that, Cheekie). I hope that you’re ready for a story. You are? Well that’s just splendiferous!

*hits the DVR rewind button to two years earlier*

The story starts about the time I began my new prison term life in Pittsburgh. I was still getting settled into my first apartment, learning the layout of the city, and trying not to get killed by monkeys in my research lab (wait, I’m still doing that). Then one day, thanks almost entirely to the fact that my car battery died, I met this woman who was also a new graduate student in the city. We started hanging out a bit and became decent friends. I was attracted to her and almost went into pursuit mode, but something stopped me. It was a weird feeling that I had never experienced in undergrad. It actually took me a little while to figure it out.

I didn’t think I was good enough for her.

When I looked at her and how she seemed to have everything together and then looked at myself and how I was still learning the basics of living independently, I called off the dogs. That’s not what she needed. At least, that’s what I thought. Thinking back on that decision I made, it’s a little easier to see that while my reasoning made sense, it was still a cop out.

First of all, I shouldn’t be making decisions for her. In my mind, dating me at the state that I was in would have been a waste of her time. I didn’t want to bring my naiveté into her life. I felt like I would just slow her down. But how did I know that that’s how she felt? How did I know that she would have minded dating a skinny, slightly awkward Ethiopian who didn’t know the difference between a frying pan and a tablespoon? Was I really protecting her or just protecting myself from feeling embarrassed?

Secondly, I ignored the fact that since I liked and respected her, that she might inspire me to be better more effectively than I could inspire myself, as well as the possibility that she might want to be an active participant in the process. You obviously shouldn’t look towards a relationship to motivate you to improve yourself, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you push yourself a little bit harder when a person you like & respect is in a place in their adulthood that you want to be in.

After a while she became really busy and we didn’t talk or hang out that much. *hits “Back to Live” button on DVR* She’s been a lot more free now during the summer and we’ve been talking and hanging out a bit more. I still like her so I’m gonna see if she wants to come over for dinner or go to the Pittsburgh conservatory or something. I still don’t have my life together like I’d prefer, but why let this opportunity slip away again? For all I know, I may have sent myself to the friend-zone because of that decision years ago. But there’s only one way to find out.



36 thoughts on “Not Good Enough

    • “Go for it Bald Man”

      Someone should base a superhero off of me called Bald Man. His power would be reflecting light off his head into a concentrated laser beam. Vin Diesel can play me in the movie.

      “You really never know until you try.”

      Yup yup.

  1. “I missed you and I hope that you missed me too (don’t respond to that, Cheekie). ”

    *innocent face* Hmm?

    Well, if I can’t respond to THAT, I’ll respond to this (forget the fact that it ain’t even a question, but that’s how I roll:

    “*hits the DVR rewind button to two years earlier*”

    Wouldn’t it have been more effective to hit the back skip button? (O^_^O)

    Anyhow, this was a fabulous return. Great post. Almost made you seem human. But seriously, this has me rooting for you. Though it’s definitely easier said (or thought) than done (and practiced), I always at least try to keep “everything is in divine order” in the back of my head. Who knows, you may NOT have been ready at that time, and now you may be. Who knows where the journey will take ya. But, you have to admit that her schedule suddenly being free must mean “something.” Just don’t know what that something is. Much luck, mister!

    • “Wouldn’t it have been more effective to hit the back skip button?”

      Don’t tell me how to navigate through my story!

      “Who knows, you may NOT have been ready at that time, and now you may be.”

      I’ve thought about that as well. I definitely feel more “ready” now than I did before, but it was still a cop out that I tried to mask as a legitimate reason.

  2. Great Post. You shouldn’t let self-doubt block what God has for you. I am certain that she is in your life for a reason. Everyone is on different levels with respects to different aspects in their life. Iron sharpens iron. There are areas in your life that you could help her with and there are areas that she can help you with. I don’t think that people that get into relationships have everything together, they are a work in progress (like you and the young lady).

    If you feel like there is a spark there between you and this person then go for. Nothing beats a failure but a try.

    • “your date ideas are swoon worthy! You wanna take her to a conservatory? *faints*”

      LOL! Well, to be fair, she’s mentioned in passing wanting to go to the conservatory, so I just picked up on that. Although now that I think about it, she might have mentioned it to me on purpose. *facepalm*

      • O_O Now she’s thinking you may not be too smart, lol, practically beggin you to take her out! Seriously though, picking up on that suggestion…that’ll be money, especially days (weeks?) later. I guarantee at least a little part of her will scream inside and go “HE LISTENED TO ME!!!!!!” and do a lil happy dance. You’re in a really good place to sweep this chick off her feet, GET IT!

  3. good post! very honest and transparent. thanks for sharing!

    all i can say is, WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE. its part of growing up and becoming more self aware. as our confidence in dating and relationship increases, so does our ability to just go for it and push our inhibitions to the side.

    you’ll figure it out and reap the benefits of being more forward and willing to put yourself out there. i wish you the best.

  4. good post man. i had a friend like that. for years i had the biggest crush on her (by years i mean we went to high school and college together). i always thought that she was good for me. like you i guess i downplayed myself. but she really is beautiful and intelligent (first job out of law school is as an assistant DA for baltimore county). i let that opportunity slip out of my grasp more than once and i kind of regret it now.

    not to mention a mutual friend i was hanging with recently asked me why i never pursued my crush. i gave her some bs excuse about how she normally doesn’t go for guys like me. she usually goes for pretty boys. i based that off of 2 of her exes. -_-

    i say go for it. you never know what could happen.

  5. Leave it to be to be the random douche and say……Ive never really felt that way about anyone.

    Not because im a cocky arse, but mostly because if she thinks you arent good enough for her SHE will let you know. Now i know I have a very strange outlook on relationships and rejection and such but what I ALWAYS come back to is : Life is short.

    Life is short, so if you’ve got a good look and you think you can make a good run at something…. rumble young man, rumble.

    • LOL every comment section needs a douche. But for real, that’s the right mindset to have. Not douchey at all. Life is incredibly short and I can’t let little insecurities or flaws stop me from pursuing what or who I want.

  6. Good post bud! I can related to your feelings/thought process. Best advice I can give his try not to get in your own way. Way too many other obstacles out there in the world. No need to join forces with them, ya dig?

    Best of luck 🙂

    • “Best advice I can give his try not to get in your own way. Way too many other obstacles out there in the world. No need to join forces with them, ya dig?”

      ^^^^THIS! I think we have all experienced this in some way or another. Good Luck and make sure to update us on the first date!

  7. Awww.. that was so sweet. Does she know you are a blogger? If I was her and read this, I would be flattered.

    In any case, we all have our respective roads to travel on in our journey. I try not to feel bad that people seem ‘more grown up’ than I am. I feel it is part of what makes me who I am, and just adds to my unique quality.. and that is what guys find attractive about me. They want to learn more and be a part of it.

    Your life experience, or ‘lack of’, is part of what makes you who you are as a whole. There is something about you that she likes, otherwise she wouldn’t hang out with you. Take your own advice and let her in. 🙂

    • “I try not to feel bad that people seem ‘more grown up’ than I am. I feel it is part of what makes me who I am, and just adds to my unique quality.. and that is what guys find attractive about me.”

      Yeah, it’s not always about how you see yourself, but how someone else sees you.

  8. I’m cosigning Gem. We have ALL been there (at least the more modest of us) and this maybe the reason that this woman has reappeared in your life. Go for it! Move forward and good luck to you. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

  9. uuumm I thought we went over this before? Value yourself as a good catch (That Damn Dr. African..sounds pretty good to just about anybody).
    Instead of focusing on what you think are weak points, focus on your strengths dude. (could be worse, you could be me….. LOL)
    And like every else is saying just be confident and try, just might surprise you and work. JD and Janet, Nick Cannon and Mariah, Sheldon Williams and Candace Parker… You get where im going with this? good

  10. I think you were right the first time. You were probably too awkward for her. JUST KIDDING!!! As my brother always says, “don’t tell yourself ‘no’.” Let someone else deal with that decision, but if you take yourself out of the race before you even know where her interests lie, you’re doing yourself a disservice. p.s.- you should try that out #insidejoke

  11. *Walks into the party mad late. Heads to the bar, then to the shrimp buffet.*

    Go for her! Every good story has a girl and she may be the girl in yours. Everyone who said “We’ve all been there” is right. This is your chance to find out if she feels that way about you.

    Do it for the bald brethren!

  12. i think you should go for it! smart ladies don’t mind working with a brotha… as long as he has SOMETHING to work with… and clearly you do 🙂

  13. You already know that I say go for it! I also cosign Star’s sentiments about your date choices. I wish a ninja would suggest something like that (even if it was more her suggestion, I have faith that your suggestions would be just as good), I’d probably propose.

    SN: I love visiting blogs and seeing all of this loyal blog family commenting.

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