Whaddup fam-lay? Nice to see all you beautiful people back in the place to be. I almost didn’t make it tonight after all the LeBron fellators who didn’t get him to join their team started jumping into oncoming traffic, swallowing knives, and taking long swims in the Gulf. All of my laughter inhibited me from typing on my keyboard. But, my joy has subsided and I am ready to spew nonsense about some insignificant occurrence. Shall we?
Why Did I Look Up When You Looked Up?
So this weekend, me and some other people are at my friend’s spot eating breakfast cause she was nice enough to make us food [sidebar: I pray that my wife cooks as well as she does]. After discussing the latest rerun of In The Heat Of The Night (seriously, we were watching it), the fact that men are reluctant to eat new foods if tried-and-true foods are available, and that you have to go full retard to make a bad pizza, we somehow got on the topic of bugs. For the life of me I can’t remember why in the hell we were talking about that, but I digress. My friend began explaining how one night she noticed a treebug on her ceiling and that she had to get her boyfriend to kill it because it was so big and gross and ewwwwww (her words, not mine). Sounds pretty insignificant, right? Well it gets even insignificant-er! (???)
Friend: “So there was this huge treebug on my ceiling…” *glances up at ceiling*
Me: *involuntarily glances up at ceiling*
In case you were wondering, no there wasn’t a treebug or a bug of any sort on the ceiling above me preparing to generally annoy me. So why did I look towards the Heavens? Why did I take a second of my time to ignore my friend’s story in order to make sure everyone could see the inside of my nostrils? Let’s see if I can break this down.
Up is a direction that has a lot of uncertainty to it. Your peripheral field of vision has a good view to your right, left, and below you. However, objects that may be directly above you usually require a head movement in order to bring them into view. The more you know. So, as a cautious black man, anytime a person directs their attention upward, especially if there is any reason for me to be suspicious of danger (which as a black man is always), my Negroid instincts kick in and I look up. This is similar to the phenomenon where black people begin to run at the sight of a group of people running. Run first, ask questions later.
So do you guys ever find yourselves inexplicably looking up just because someone else does? Do people look up with a shocked look on their face just to get you to look up and then laugh uncontrollably as they chop you in the throat? Did you know gullible wasn’t in the dictionary? Do your part to keep today’s comment section LeBron-fellator-free.