“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.”
–Albert Einstein
Time. There’s so much and yet not enough. Ask a man in his 80’s the things that come to mind when he hears the word “time” and he’ll give you a completely different answer than a 6-year-old. It’s all relative.
It’s this relativity that we sometimes forget when trying to understand the difference in how men and women approach dating and relationships. Men feel like they have plenty of time while women feel forced to run the two-minute drill.
For those of you who might not understand what a “two-minute drill” (also referred to as the “no-huddle”) is, it is a style of offense used in football to “maximize the number of plays available for a scoring attempt before a half (or game) expires.” For example, instead of wasting time calling a play in the huddle, the QB will call a play at the line of scrimmage while his offense is lining up in order to conserve time. The key point in this is that the offense is running out of time and is forced to hurry in order to win the game before time runs out.
Women are often worried about when they will find that man to settle down and cultivate a long-lasting marriage with. Men, on the other hand, are worried about who they will be with. This isn’t to say women don’t care who they date or marry. However, by and large, women who complain about being single or about the “good man shortage” believe they are disappointed that they haven’t found a man to settle down with, but in reality are disappointed that they haven’t found a man to settle down with yet. They aren’t upset that they are single, but they are upset that they are still single.
This belief that their window of opportunity is closing causes some women to feel that they need to run a two-minute drill. They go to bars, clubs, weddings, bar mitzvahs, and funerals. They try speed dates, blind dates, skype dates, and GChat dates. They introduce themselves to men, wait for men to introduce themselves, chase, and play hard to get. All in the same week. These are the kind of women who, if they were down by one touchdown to the Detroit Lions, would bench Donovan McNabb & send out Rex Grossman (it’s a good thing we don’t have to worry about that ever happening). At this point, they’re either looking to try anything to win the game or have given up hope. But, I feel like they might just be reading the game clock wrong. They’re still in the 3rd quarter and either don’t realize it or willfully ignore it. Pump your brakes, homie. It’s not time to panic. Stop automatically thinking that something must be wrong (either with you or with men) because you haven’t found a man yet. Maybe you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet. (I just blessed someone with that right there.)
And don’t take my analogy as suggesting that men believe they are “leading” their respective football games. Since being single isn’t an end goal for most us, we understand that we are actually losing too. But we also know we haven’t lost1. I’m of the belief that men want to settle down just as much as women. But we’re going to take our time to find that special woman. Not because we love being single, but because it’s not something that needs to be rushed. No need to run the two-minute drill. Just continue to execute well, take what the defense gives you while taking some shots down the field, and make the necessary adjustments to give yourself the best opportunity to win the game.
So what do yall think? Women, is there truth to what I’m saying or am I erroneously disregarding the elephant in the room (your biological clock)? Men, do you ever feel like time is running out and you need to run a “two-minute drill” or is it safe to say it’s something specific to women? Speak now or forever hold your peace.
-TDA
1 No, being single doesn’t mean you’ve lost at life. It just means that if your goal is to settle down, get married, and the such, then you haven’t reached that goal.
That Damn Blog 
It sucks to admit that you’re right. I hate when you’re right. But I don’t know who else will admit it. Some will find loopholes and say “some women” don’t do that. Ehh, bah humbug. I feel like 87% of women do.
“..but in reality are disappointed that they haven’t found a man to settle down with yet.”
That word! YET! I feel like you hit the nail on the head with a friggin sledgehammer. From blogs, tweets, facebook statuses, AIM statuses (who does that, right??), it’s always about “WHEN” am I going to run into/find/hunt down Prince Charming? All about the biological clock ticking. That may be the source of our worries. We’re so wrapped up in our eggs expiring, not having kids (even the women that say they don’t want kids), and blah blah. Wrinkles. Not finding love. Time. Time. Time. It’s more precious to us than diamonds. We don’t want it wasted cuz then it’s like “All this time I wasted on his ass, I could have been with my future husband.” You hear more women saying things to their future husbands than you hear guys talking about their future wives. The majority of guys that I’ve spoken to are worried about the Here & Now because when things happen, they’ll happen when they’re supposed to. The women? The Future & what’s to come cuz we want it RIGHT NOW, no more waiting!
Taking things with stride. You said to let shit happen. That’s the conversation that came to mind when I read this. I was busy trying to make shit happen NOW and that’s not what on his agenda.
I hate you for making me think. ❤
“We don’t want it wasted cuz then it’s like “All this time I wasted on his ass, I could have been with my future husband.”
These types of statements always get me because it makes a mockery of the lessons that come out of your experiences. Time is never wasted as long as you are growing.
great analogy. i agree with everything written. sometimes i think some women’s biological clock is broke and running faster than they think. i like what you did with the mcnabb situation too. i am also glad we’ll never see that happen again.
“but in reality are disappointed that they haven’t found a man to settle down with yet. They aren’t upset that they are single, but they are upset that they are still single.”
realest sh*t you’ve ever wrote.
” Maybe you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet.”
2nd realest sh*t you’ve ever wrote.
“sometimes i think some women’s biological clock is broke and running faster than they think.”
I definitely get that too. Women are sometimes so worried about that clock. They can hear the seconds counting down. The dynamics of that clock & its effects on the female psyche is something I wish I understood.
B, this post is golden. I mean Golden! Amazing post my man. You spoke seemingly with a woman’s perspective actually in mind! Now there are other mitigating factors (beauty, value, fertility, competition, age, societal pressure, that damn clock, etc) that I won’t even go into because this was SO artfully and thoughtfully written AND your post is totally true. Yes there is more to it, but I don’t disagree with anything you wrote. I mean, bravo good man. I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I heart you more today than I did yesterday!
What a great post. This post needs to be framed, worshiped, embossed in gold, and given 20 virgins. This post…well done B.
“Yes there is more to it, but I don’t disagree with anything you wrote.”
Yeah, there are definitely a lot of factors that contribute to this mentality, many of which I don’t know or understand. If you want to shed some light though, maybe you should write a post about it or something. *elbow nudge*
Awesome post, and I agree 100%. As women, I believe we are conditioned to be on this timeline of marriage, babies, etc. We grow up thinking we have to be narried by a certain age, and then nature, along iwth science, tells us we must have children by this age. So, here I am, almost 30, single with no children. According to legend, I should be in an absolute panic right now. But I’m not. In the last year, I’ve really taken the time to think about what I want in life, my goails and dreams, and I’ve decided to go after them. And as much as I would love to have a husband and a few kids, I ultimately want to be happy. And I recognized in myself that worrying about my marriage timeline wasn’t making me happy. Not at all. Personally, I think I’m ahead in the game, so by the time I make it to the altar, it going to be a blow out. lol.
“As women, I believe we are conditioned to be on this timeline of marriage, babies, etc. We grow up thinking we have to be narried by a certain age, and then nature, along iwth science, tells us we must have children by this age….And I recognized in myself that worrying about my marriage timeline wasn’t making me happy. Not at all.”
I wish more people would recognize this. In all fairness, it’s tough to be a women because you’re kinda expected to have this timeline. Adds a lot of stress.
“Personally, I think I’m ahead in the game, so by the time I make it to the altar, it going to be a blow out. lol.”
lol! I like your style.
“Maybe you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet. (I just blessed someone with that right there.)”
Consider everyone’s minds completely blown.
thank GOD my “team” has been doing great on both offense AND defense. even though the clock is ticking down, i’ve got plenty of time and have NO reason to make hasty decisions. the game of life WILL be won in my favor.
and im enjoying the view from my QB position (hello nice a$ses!!! *waves*)
“even though the clock is ticking down, i’ve got plenty of time and have NO reason to make hasty decisions. the game of life WILL be won in my favor.”
That’s the mindset to have!
“and im enjoying the view from my QB position (hello nice a$ses!!! *waves*)”
*blows whistle, throws yellow flag* Personal foul, unnecessary ass talk. 15-yard penalty. Still second down.
this was a great post. no disagreements here.
the truth often hurts when its right on the mark.
ps: the football commissioner in me approves the title, the detailed explanation of the 2 minute huddle (really Rex..after 10 yrs.. McNabb doesnt know how to run one??!?!? wait.. focused) and all football references…
oh and
Women are often worried about when they will find that man to settle down and cultivate a long-lasting marriage with. Men, on the other hand, are worried about who they will be with.
THIS.
“Maybe you haven’t found a man yet simply because you haven’t found a man yet. (I just blessed someone with that right there.)”
That person you blessed with that? That was me…
I’d go into detail here about my thoughts and feelings, but I have a headache the size of Texas right now that won’t go away, so I’ll just say that this was an amazingly written post, and I’m glad to have an insight into your perspective on things…well written, my friend.